I am very out of sorts right now. I feel a bit lost and without direction.
I am so overwhelmed by all of these people everywhere, it’s not like I have never seen crowds before, but I haven’t seen them for a month and now here they all are. I was so happy to have nothing but the absolute expanse of Spain all to myself and the sound of my shoes but now, here we are.
Everyday I would wake and know that I was walking west. I would have breakfast at 6am and then again at 9am and then possibly again at 11. I would have a picnic lunch somewhere, anywhere I felt like eating again and then I would get to m destination somewhere between 4 and 6pm and I would do it again.
I had a goal, Santiago, I had a purpose, to get there. I had company sometimes but more often it was just me and my boots. Now I don’t have that, it’s gone.
I’m feeling a little lost. I don’t know what to do, I’m so glad I am in a city that I just ADORE, but I also don’t want to be here. I get to wake up whenever now, and I don’t want that. I want to be out on the open road with nothing but freedom, my thoughts and three breakfasts a day.
On the train ride back from Santiago I was sitting next to a lady who was amazing. We talked for a solid five hours about politics. She was about 50 something and was trying to convince me that the future was female, and I was like GURL I KNOW!!
She was so surprised that, in her words, I had put myself through suffering for a month just to go somewhere I had never been with nothing but self belief driving me there. She asked me, if I ever jut thought about just, well... stopping.
Absolutely I did, of course I did. I didn’t have to be out there. I wasn’t fleeing from or to anything, I could have left whenever I wanted, I was not captive to it, except now, I just want to go back.