About to leave Estella. At the VERY WISE recommendation of my Italian I am stretching for about half an hour before and after the walk.  

On Italians.

There are some Italians at my albergue and FUCK THEY ARE THE MOST SEXY, ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE. They're just cool, talking in their silly language and just being cool. last night they were just chilling and being hot and cool.

This morning, they are the most unpleasant, dishevelled, forlorn people. They're sitting here hating the morning and hating life. They're on coffee number 7 and croissant 62. How low the mighty have fallen.  

Italians, they're just like the rest of us. Italians are people too.  

I love them though, they're CRAZY HOT. But I feel like I understand my own better by watching these ones just be miserable in the morning.  

Ok I'm talking garbage. It's time to go.  

I'll write more when I get to wherever I'm going   

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Ever notice that nature has no straight lines? If there are straight lines anywhere it is because we put them there.  

*** 

Sansol, 630 kms to Santiago and 41633 steps walked. 

What did I learn today? Something trivial but also enormously important. Today's lesson: David, don't be a hero.  

I wanted to do the whole Camino blister free because fuck you, I'm invincible and fearless. I fear no blisters and I'm special, don't you know? I am not made out of mortal flesh, i am made of blister free godstuff. Yeah, nah. 

I got me some small blisters, one each on my little toe and both my heels. At first, I thought they might be blisters but my usual self talk kicked in which told me that blisters are for normal people. I'm a fucking hero. I don't get blisters. Yeah well I do, and I did and lucky the more reasonable part of me made me stop, tend to my feet before they became epic out of control blisters and off I went on my way. 

I don't think I'm better than anyone, quite the opposite. I think this weird God complex comes from a place of deep hurt and sadness. I don't think I am God-like and above all of you mere humans, in fact I think the complete opposite.  

I feel I need to exhibit súper human feats of strength to be liked and likeable. I feel I need to be better than excellent so people will like me and look at me and think: "oh wow, isn't he capable. He must be a good person." 

it is not praise that I need or am after, it's validation maybe and a lot of tenderness. Just someone to say: "hey, you did good. You did fine. It's fine." I think that by getting noticed for the extraordinary then people will (or might) ignore the very ordinary parts of me. The parts of me that are highly insecure because of a desire to be liked. Not just to be liked, but affirmed maybe? 

I don't need praise or medals, really, trust me, I think I just need to be held lightly and with tenderness. I just assume that no one will be kind to my mistakes so if I don't exhibit any, then people might be kinder to my achievements. 

I can tell you though, it's very tiring trying to shine on when all you want to do is sit down, admit you've got blisters, heal yourself or be healed and then get back up and continue walking.  

Oh, there's also a free wine fountain at Irache.

 

Moving on

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I prayed the rosary today, I do NOT believe in god, god does not exist. Let's just accept that, because it's such a boring question: "does god exist?" 

Of course not.  

But then, what can we learn from religion once we take god out of the picture? Well, for starters, the rosary is kind of nice to do while walking. It's meditation through repetition  

It was nice.  

Another not wholly unrelated thing that happened today was that I imagined what I would say to Madonna if I ever met her.  

No shit.  

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